I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
