You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ketchup is God's man juice
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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