i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
