So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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