She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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