Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
