Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
