As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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