do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
