It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
