If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
