weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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