Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Shame is for Republicans.
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