Having a random hookup so left but love u
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
