Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
