She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
