remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
