I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
