his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
