Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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