picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
