i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
