Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
