i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
