i would punch a child for taco bell
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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