If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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