I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
