You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
