To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
