and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I came so hard my ears popped.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
