I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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