So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
