you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
