Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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