sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
