how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
