The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
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my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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