well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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