I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
