Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
