The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
