her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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