don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
