You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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