i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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