I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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