Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
