he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He called his prostate his "boner button".
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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