we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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