You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He had one of those small greek statue penises
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
