im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
