She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
