What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
