You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
