Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
