PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
