You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Is Oprah even human
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
