you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
