haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
