It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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