the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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