I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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