Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
