He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
