If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
