Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
