why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
