he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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