i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
