i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
