walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
