Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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