their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
