Umm I'm too high to move.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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