my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize