I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I can tuck mytits in my pants
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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