i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So vagazzling was a success
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
