I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
