Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
