yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
