Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am in a vortex of obligation.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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